夜雨。夜语

What is the irony feeling when your mind keep processing the emotion you've been tried to avoid? Feeling ' I don't wanna sleep when you're deprive from sleep so much,' feeling ' The fellow is talking bullshit when you know you shouldn't hate people,' feeling ' I don't wanna mix with any of them even you know that is the way to extend your network', feeling ' I think I'm alright where the tears can just roll down right after when you turn your back,' or feeling ' the emptiness of missing someone who don't worth you to give a second thought.'



I guess I'm just too tired and start to mumbling nonsense. Sometimes I think I'm getting alright, you ain't that important or irreplaceable, but I hate when my heart is clutching when I see you face to face. I hate the memory is still fresh in mind when I happen to pass by the places we have been, the conversation we had or the emotion I had at that moment, when you were there.
So I held back, without utter a single word. I doubt if you would ever care the promise we have. At least, we had the last eye contact, though I can no longer see through you.
Even without a greeting, even without a hug, will you feel proud of me? Will you still feel pain when you know my suffering? I hope you do, like you always do, even we might never contact.

Time flies, and I hope when the deal date reach, both of us have achieve what we want. God will turn things good for those who love Him, isn't it?