aloneness = loneliness ?

"" am i anticipating for a long last relationship?

i might just fooling myself if i say no.

but seriously i know i shouldn't hope for anything here. ""

they seems like bringing the same meaning

but it is not.

studying alone, eating alone, hanging around alone 

i never feel lonely

just the aloneness

but forcing myself mingling with the friends they mean

i feel extremely lonely

being throwing at a corner

do i really just feel the belongingness studying at this place

or am i just hoping people willl realise my existence

so that they can easily find and spot me if i fix my where to go

human is created with the needs and desires for companionship

am i anticipating for a long last relationship?

i might just fooling myself if i say no.

but seriously i know i shouldn't hope for anything here.

i think is necessary for me to clarify

i'm not saying bgr, just a last long friend.

i'm not isolating myself from people

nor i push away people that trying to get near to me.

i will open up my heart

if someone taking the courage to knock the door of heart

i'd spent time with people who first approach

and i never regret doing so.

if you do care about me

you won't take me that easily.

if you cherish me

you won't let go that easily

if you are me

you will know how heartbroken i am.

一个人，没有笑的理由，也没有哭的理由。

Empowered

"" Have faith in Him if you believe His existence.. ""

since my last counselling session,

i've been out here for month & feeling alright so far.

i told my counsellor i can't feel God's presence out here,

I'm being left out here.

she said,

God is not by feeling,

he's existing even though you don't feel it,

he's just by your side even you don't see it,

he's watching over you even you don't sense it.

he's comforting you even you don't hear it.

Have faith in Him if you believe His existence.

Psalm 13 resonated my feeling completely,

when i'm dreadful seeking for God.

but

He understand the rejection in me

as it is not a coincidence for same situation happening

again and again

He is taking challenge over me

and He is hoping me to win over the destructive emotion

that had rooted since young.

to make me a whole person in Christ

there is a must

is time to change my mindset.

this is the conclusion for the whole session.

it's alright when you're excluded

it's okay when you're not be invited

it's no longer a hurt as you know God is with you

i'm empowered in God's strengths.