Sunday, January 29, 2012


and the world smile to you.

but i'm a bit upset now, 
so i'm not smiling this moment.
spare me some time and i'll smile to you later.

life is fooling me.
when i laughed at the quote saying how sad one can feel
when someone one likes finally in love with others.
and the next moment 
found out you're having crush with a girl on your status update.
i guess i don't know her.
but that's not a matter.

what i care the most is
i'll be freed in 3 months time.
and i can run away.
from everything.
and that surely include you.

i know, it's just infatuation.


i know i'm sensitive.
so please don't update sensitive status during my birthday.

okay, still, you're always good-looking and charming : )

Monday, January 23, 2012

A Thousand Miles



Monday, January 2, 2012

birthday wish-list

this is my first time creating a birthday wish-list.
just to test how useful it is.
so allow me being thick-skinned to ask for present.
i hate to admit it but soon
i'm no longer 18 a flower ( 十八一朵花)anymore
but i'm still being optimistic and looking forward towards my future.
so here is a few things i'm actually desire to own it.

1. hoodies

a big and thick cotton jacket with a big big cap.
shelter me from coldness 
and wearing a big headphones without being noticed.
i'm actually saw a quite nice design at Topshop.
around RM100 after discount,
but for me still abit expensive.
hopefully somebody can get me a nice one : )

2. backpack
apparently i need one now,
after my last striking backpack torned off.
fancy striking colour these few days.
yellow, apple green is my favourite.
hoping can get a nice design 
yet strong enough to withstand the weight of my future laptop.

3. anti UV umbrella

to replace my current spoiled umbrella.
can i request a cute design+ functional umbrella?

4. Sandals
since i've been wearing sandals most of the time
i'm just hoping a better sandals for me to walk around
without feeling leg pain
sandals from Crocs or Hush Puppies are the one i'm anticipating.
but any other sandals with a little brand should be not bad also.

5. chocolate
chocolate's charm is undeniable.
and it suits any events!
that is chocolate! haha

6. face mask
if any lady friends think i need some treatment for my face,
just buy me a face mask.
i definitely need a whitening mask or moisturizing mask.

still, it's quite upset my birthday is during semester breaks,
means that i won't be able to celebrate it with my friends.
unless somebody willing to celebrate for me before or after the semester break.
hmm, another birthday wish..
you can think i'm a weirdo but seriously i won't like it when my wall cover with all birthday wishes.
but my status and updates disappeared.
don't even expect me to appreciate it.
if you're sincere enough,
a private message will do.
or text me if you have my phone number,
call me i will truly appreciated.
face to face will be the best.
so my dear friends, thanks for the understanding. C :

thanksgiving 2011

here comes 2012
looking back and meditating God's marvelous works,
i did went through ups and downs.
it's time to thankgiving God for everything.
and here is the top 8 in my list.

1. family
i'm just a rebellious teenager like many others.
the only thing is i'm capable with my own.
depend less on my family and naturally distance myself from them.
thanks Am for the warm remind and God's work.
i'm trying hard now to rebuild and mend the relationship with my family.

2. strong character
not just on the outlook
but a strong heart.
after experienced the back stabbed during my first employment & from a friend
i've learnt not to hate but to forgive and thanks those people who hurt me.
thanks God for carrying me went through the hardest time.

3. friend
experiencing a better interpersonal relationship
God is truly the God who listened to our prayer
the situation turned 180 degree when i thought there will be no way out.
i will carefully cherish the friendship God had helped me to earn back.

4. talent
Hallelujah! Glory to Lord! just like what mentioned in Bible.
all our talents are from God.
used it wisely, God will grant you double or even more.
all ideas and melodies ran through my mind as Holy Spirit poured on me.
with a new self-composed song, 
music arrangement for acapella and band competition.

5. study
truly a big failure for my SPM result.
reminding me that i should depends more on God 
but not my own smartness which seems foolish in God's eyes.
sending me to KMNS is indeed His great plan in my life.
thanks for every bittersweet moment in this cute college.

6. grandpa
the saddest part throughout the year.
yet another comforting news.
dear grandpa accepted Christ Jesus before his last breath.
thanks God i was able to apologize for my ignorant and tell him i love him
surely he is now watching me from the heaven at the side of our Heavenly Father.

7. baptism
Hallelujah! i was baptized and reborn in Christ.
my spiritual grow exponentially for the year.
serving in church ministry
joining mission trip to Sarawak in 2012
i'm willing to consecrate myself in His every great plan.

8. a new man 
thanks God for moulding me, 
refining me and transforming me.
i'm totally a new man compared to the me 2 years ago.
thanks God for loving me and not forsaken me.
i'm even better now. 

2012 should be an awesome year,
hopefully i can fulfill a few wishes by this year.
going for international student exchange program,
learning new instruments, mastering new language ( eg: Japanese ),
improving my singing skills, composing more songs to share...

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Last Exit

28th Dec 2011 was a champion day
for the last band standing - LAST EXIT!

after all the hard work and efforts.
practised day and night.
overcame all kinds conflicts and setbacks
with how many sleepless night.
the seed we sowed finally bear fruits.
thanks God looking after me my team throughout the days.

we did a wonderful performance that night
during the Battle of the Bands competition.
rocked and wowed the crowds.

love my team so much.
brainstorming together for a better music arrangement and flow.
of course i contributed ideas and all i can
in music arrangement, performance and directed the opening video.
with the talent that God give me.
other than that,
one of the most proud decision i made
is making dear idid as our vocalist.
pumping him with 100% support and confidence.
after his marvelous performance that night,
surely all girls in KMNS fell on him now.
ooOps. I unintended make him one of KMNS hotstuff now. C :

we got a great drummer + video man + video editor
brought us to the victory.
an awesome guitarist,
playing all kinds of skills than stunned the crowd.
a quiet but mature basist,
giving his 100% to every practices and performances

with super high marks, 95%,
( from one of the judge )
which was more than i expected
judges commented us 
' your band full with charisma, music arrangement, harmonization, opening videos, creativity, mixing of songs and the flow, everything is awesome' with thumbs up.
but among all the compliments,
this is the one i wanted most,
' you all played in a team, your music is blended in one'

isn't it great when you win as a team?
glory to God. we finally Made it.

last exit !

left: zhaf, caceng, me, sauffi, idid !

LAST EXIT, what a good name 
( my another proud achievement in giving this name, hehe)
we found our last and final exit, 
breaking through all the hindrances and got the victory at the very last moment.
love you guys <3

love the logo zhaf designed

again, thanks to zhaf i'm able to link the video after he edited for the whole night.

the opening video,
is the last minute product, but is a MTV totally based on the song lyric,
hope it did entertained you C :

the final,
sorry for the bad sound collecting.
hopefully we will get to perform for the English month closing ceremony
and we will request for the best equipment to shoot it down. C :




"" the excitement came fast,
went off even faster.
replaced with emptiness and ... lost..
to me, it's over. ""

adrenaline pumped too hard in my body.
keeping me in excited state
until i can't breath
winning after all hard work & effort was amazing
we did give a great performance
far better than i expected.

the excitement came fast,
went off even faster.
replaced with emptiness and ... lost..
not the meaning of losing..
but i was confused what's next.
to me, it's over.

am i too passive?
or i was just too clear that everything will end with a full stop at this moment.
i thought i was freed from rejection
apparently, not yet
they are all guys.
i'm the only girl.
they have the common life,
i have my own life.

they are in one
I'm the exception.

indirectly, i feel isolated most of the time.
all grumbles and complaints swallowed into stomach.
showing smiling face most of the time.
yet crying behind the door.

but, after all 
i like them.
truly, love the time spending with them in playing music.
that's the saddest part of the story.
because i will not have the chance for that anymore.
as they don't need me anymore...
i'm just that sensitive and emotional, if you know me.

thanks to my dear drummer.
filling me with all encouragements and supports
and most important,
recognized my role and effort with sincere appreciation
pulling me from deep valley as i fallen.
thank you.

there's still an empty space in my heart.
time will fill it again, i guess.