三月约定

Such a big relief back to home. The feeling is just like..taking a short leave in workplace, though I have not experience it. Such a short break, but I'm so gonna recharge myself before I'm back to the war.

Such a long break ever since I really pick up any responsibility to organize an event. The one I could ever remember is back to Form 5, also a concert. The evidence that I've not change too far. I used to say I will not take up any leader role if God has not placed me on such position. I just hate myself being a horrible dictator, a solution to run away from my personality. God has constantly refine me but I hardly believe myself can play a good role in such position anymore. If is not for Dayao, if is not for the senior who encouraged and looked high on me, if is not for the people I treasure, if is not for the dream I have in this grand concert... 


Being a production director, or so called music director, who have to serve or take care ( rather than control or order ) almost 100 performers, I'm so doomed this time.
Being a director, in charging the progress of performances, from the starting to the end, from front stage to probably backstage, I really gotta be a wonder woman this time.
Being a director, such an uneasy position in the committee board, responsibility above the head of departments, yet under the stress of central committees and seniors. Seriously I feel stuck.

I'm not good in handling people, I always know. The heavy workload did tired me physically, but it is the people that wear me out emotionally and mentally, things and issues that beyond right or wrong. Stress. I'm seriously stress, and feeling helpless being alone and realizing my incapability. Such not me. I'm always confident all the while, I'm always efficient and capable all the while. God is breaking me this time, completely. I lost my confident, my ego, my pride.
If is not the promise I have in God, if is not the unfulfilled dream I have in Dayao, if is not for the people I love, if is not the responsibility, if is not the dreams all my performers have invested in Dayao... I'll persevere, I'll be strong and tough, I'll give my very best this time (*praying hard not to flung my study) and, Dayao, gonna be the one, that causes people a boom. I've been constantly praying hard for it. 

If you happened to read this, do like our page and support us on 4/5/14!
When I say I want it to be the best, it would be the best with all I can :))

https://www.facebook.com/ylsdayao


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连身体都学会配合我了，惊讶那么忙碌疲劳的两个星期，完全没有流鼻血的迹象。结果，昨天回到家，终于松懈时，却开始流了。好像身体承受的压力，又更升一级了。连身体的反应，都在过度的压力，被压抑。我真的祷告，我还撑得下去，就多一个月。。


从来不知道，我真的能这么勇敢，或许我是疯了，不。我是太理智，至少至少，在我把自己的心、自尊丢掉时，我让一切停止。
三个月，会太漫长吗？从今天算起，却一个星期都不到。我真得很感恩，因为忙得快死了，至少，我的精神不再足够负荷太多的思念，连躺在床上的时间都不够了，发梦的时间怎么还有呢？然后，让我忙忙碌碌一个月，就会习惯不想起？我是这么希望。
三个月，只是想要浇灭自己存留的最后一点期望，想要做交心的好朋友，不是你所期望的吗？我会很努力很努力，回到朋友位置，就在三个月里，只是，如果可以选择，我们不能再是好朋友。或许是你太危险，也是因为我不再相信自己，保持一定的距离，才能友情长存。
读了报章，症状真象我，但至少我不怪人，也不怪自己，可能因为我知道，我怪的是上帝。毕竟，任何结果，上帝才是最后掌权不是吗？很努力想要做上帝的乖孩子，真的很努力了，所以才会是三个月，让自己复原，让自己，再多祷告。
嘲笑自己没有开始一段感情，却不断跌倒。我不到处对人说，就算是好朋友，他们总问我怎么了，当我照实说我失恋了，他们却总笑说没有恋爱怎么失恋。

报章上说，心碎从来于在一起与否没有任何关系，而是依恋的程度。

所以，我又失恋了，只是这一次，我是很勇敢的放手，我期望是。
当我可以潇洒的说出我喜欢你，我也要潇洒的让你走出我的生命。
期限是三个月。

就只是假装不痛，然后，真的不痛了。