Live your wildest dream

I saw this line at a digital board at Jalan Bintang area when I was finding Lot 10. It just struck me now when I finally accomplished heptathlon race. If you know nothing about heptathlon, it is a track & field game consists of 100m hurdles, 200m, 800m, long jump, high jump, javelin and short put, total of seven events. Nothing special about it. Somebody wrote my name for this race, after all the struggles, I decided to try it out and I won silver medal.



I guess the only issue that really broke my heart is none of the people I THOUGHT I'm close to understand me, or understand what does it meant to me. Oh yea, I definitely not trained to be a professional sport lady and I've a bunch of good sports player around me. They must be thinking I'm insane trying to do things that I might not able to achieve. And if I say at least I have the gut and courage for it, they might probably been thinking what is your gut and courage brings to you other than possible injury. I know they are just being concerned, worried about me, but none of them really ask me why am I acting this way if they really care. Professional athlete know the risk it takes so they give their advice and I'm not sure if they despise me because I'm not an athlete. Yea maybe I should just play my music and go on with my life happily.  Right? Don't even care to message a good luck or jiayou, and luckily I didn't expect anyone to appear and give their real support. Broken heart? Absolutely.

This is when you place your expectation and they fail you. Expecting people who speaks against you whom you thought they should have support you.
Results never matter, medals never matter. So you got sleepless nights because you're not just under stress but you have nobody whom actually will listen and feel for you. Nobody cares if you're doing well or not, nobody cares if you have lots of stories to share. And you got your night with tears, not just night I guess, but whenever you think of these people that broke you heart. I'm just all alone, a rebel kids that against the advice and try to do some stupid things.

Oh Lord Father, my loyal supporter. I still remember the time when I decided to join this event. I was disturbed and prayed if it is something I can achieve, give me the peace and indeed, You gave me the peace. That's the reason I decided to pick up the event, simply because I trust You. Though the people around me trying to fail me, You're with me. Will never achieve it without knowing God you're with me, Emmanuel, how true is this word.  

So people doubt on my ability. But God gives me unlimited strength that I even beat a MASUM player. So God just makes impossible to be possible. I don't have to prove to anyone with the medals, winning is not for my pride, I just want to let them know I'm doing something that I'll never regret. Bruises all over body, they will heal eventually, but the experience and courage for this, it will be a lifetime memory I hope. At least, I know I have a strong heart now. The heart that stands against all words that trying to pull me down yet still standing firm.
At least my dad, whom at first not really agree with what I'm doing but still support me telling me that just give my best hit since I decided to do it, the result doesn't matter. I know exactly he is on my side. I love you dad. 
I don't know if I'm growing bitter towards you, but most probably you just don't care.