the more I'm in pain, the more I'm in love

Never know it's just a week of my holiday. There's such tremendous change in me. People might not realize from external, but I know my mood swing like roller-coaster. But this roller-coaster keeps going down till no end. I'm scare, I know I'm really scare, if God's hand is not there for me. Life was so much beautiful when there is no fall, no pain nor hurt. But I know life can never be that beautiful once I overcome the fall, the pain & hurt.

The girls I love so much. I really meant it. Know it's rather late I finally open up myself to you girls, but thank God at least I did. I really enjoy the time we're together especially when we even cherish the time when we know we're going to separate.
I always thank God that I have all this mature girls in my room, sharing the same frequency, at least, really can share both my happiness and sorrow.
Nicole, spent 2 years to really get close to you. Never know how much I appreciate you. When you actually spared time for me even you're really stressing for exam. I was so lost, so lost, full of tears, but is your whatsapp that comforts me. Even though it didn't work out in the end, I know I gotta take it & move on. At least I'm honest to myself now.
Huiting, get close to you the earliest since the problem struck after the Bangkok trip. We shared, almost everything. Thank God I have you throughout the year.
I'll never forget how earnest we prayed together for our nation that night, dear Sarah. Your prayer always so encouraging & comfort me in my most fragile & vulnerable form.
I love you girls, truly love you. Even I'm in pain, I know what is the love I shall still treasure. Things might change the next semester, but I really grateful the time we had together.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Only God knows my pain. Hate it when I have to face this after years, especially when I already tried my best to avoid it. Maybe, it's just because I tried avoiding it, it purposely comes to me right to my face. But God is with me, God is in control, God has the best for me. It just proves that he is not the one. It's aching pain, but God's peace, love and joy shall fill my emptiness, replace my agony & plight. May God embraces me and protects me from the evil & dark world outside. 

Lord, the more I'm in pain, the more I'm in love with you. Only you can completely heal me from all the pains. Only you can replace the hurts with love. Oh Lord, despite of my situation, grant me the strength to serve, to give even more earnestly and let me be more discerned to your voice. Father, I love you.