Tuesday, January 26, 2016

beautiful dream, lasts?

I'm still in my dream, wouldn't want to wake up.

Finally, escape from the depressing past. I wanted a new start. A new life, to restart everything again. To restart a life, without past, without sorrow, without the painful memory. A life that only represents the present me, people who never know about my past, who never question about my past, who never bother who am I in the past. If I'm allow to, I would leave that life behind, be it happy or sad memories, the past that makes me unsure if I'm smiling still because I'm happy, or simply is the action from the facial muscles.

For the past 26 days, I have never been so happy for such a long time. I smile, I laugh, I joke, I hop, I run around, I don't care, just being myself. No more barriers telling me what shouldn't be done, no more self conscious telling me I shouldn't acted in certain ways, no more past experiences telling me what should be the best for me. I tried my best to be who am I without messing up stuffs. I'm satisfy, I'm thankful, I'm happy, I'm contented with whatever I have.

Leaving the life behind, it seems like a beautiful dream, so beautiful that it is completely out of my imagination. Having the life as a spoiled child, eating sumptuous meals, going everywhere I want, buying expensive clothes that I used to just window shop but will never spend on it, having some luxurious that I can never had before. Everything is good. Even more, having a supportive temporary parents to work your dream out, staying through my busking sessions, running around to make sure all my equipment are in good hand. Having amazing time realizing my dream, I can never believe a street performer can ever bring happiness, encouragement, the peace in mind to the public.

And, Thanks for describing me as 'the sneaky student'. This is the best compliment I ever had. I thought I'm always too serious to joke around, I don't think I ever have great sense of humor, I'm always too conscious and not able to relax myself in front of people, but thanks for letting me be a little bit more different from whom I used to be, and still accepting this rude, self-centered, over confident and always happy giving you orders' student. I know by doing this, I would either make you hate me or love me, but I'm just trying hard not to just be any students that will soon be forgotten. I want to be someone that will last in your mind, asking for forever might be too much, but just hoping, I will stay in your mind, a little bit longer. Just as you have stayed in my mind. Please allow me, to be 'THE sneaky student' not 'A sneaky student' to you, Mr Baymax.

The more wonderful the dream is, the more fear building in me, realizing every each day passed, the day back to reality came one inch closer. I hate it when I know the day is coming and I have no way to stop it. I hate it when everything that I have is just temporary. And I hate the fear slowly creeping into my mind and pulling me down. I scare when the day comes, I will realize it is just a dream and there's nothing I can bring back, nothing to prove its existence, Things and people will slowly disappear from my memory. 
It sounds stupid, but all I want is to be remembered and, be remembered, knowing the people I have here, will last.

Can I?

1 comment:

  1. Let people love you for who you are, not who they want you to be. Love you.