There's a little girl in me

I thought it is just a simply desire for my childhood. But the same thought flashes through my mind these days. I've been so brave so independent for the past nineteen years and I thought that will be alright.

Trying so hard to ignore the needs in me. I've to be brave since young even though I was so scare of thunder and dark night yet nobody knew. I've to be independent all the time even I would rather depend on anyone but never the anyone appears in front of me. I was so distant from my family, that I told nothing but carried everything alone.

What if I have a big brother who cares about me, who keeps telling me it's okay, who will protect me from all harms..

I'm always dreaming to have a big brother. I'm always too high pride to show my weak points in front of others. How I wish to be pampered. Keep finding the image of a brother on others. A lovable, kind, gentle, warm and especially dote on his sister a lot. I'm always envy those who has an elder brother. The little girl in me is so desperately need to be loved and I'm so had it enough putting my trust on people who can't commit all to me. What is boyfriend when there's not even a single thing to proof how long it can lasts. I know I'm selfish and demanding. But how would I open up myself for letting hurt goes in. But a brother is forever my brother. A brother is just like an angel, holding me in his arm, covering me with his big wings, soothing my bad emotions, lending me his broad shoulders and treating me like a small girl..always... So sick of letting one goes but again, holding on another. I wonder if I would be better by having a brother, to satisfy the little girl in me. 

can anyone treat me like a little girl, always?