Because I'm happy~being in love

I'm grateful tomorrow is holiday! I'm grateful I have more time to rest and work on report! I'm grateful I have time for sport! I'm grateful I'm going out tomorrow! That's why I'm posting short notes here to show my gratitude! Wweeeeeeeeeeeee~ :3

Never would I deny happiness can so over-flooded because of one person, just that I had totally forgotten this feeling for years, and probably not so much like now. No, not the time to declare yet, but I'm happy, simply happy.

Somewhere in Klang

I know one day I will be here, I know I'll be in love with this place according to the seniors' sharing, I know it will be a place flooded with memory, I know it will unlock my another stage of journey in life, and I know all these will no longer in future tense.

Yes, I'm here in Klang in the end. Can't believe how time flies, I'm now a third year medical students, which is the half of the journey as a medical student. When my beloved first year junior is still having their orientation week, I can't help but reminiscing the life when I was a newbie in a university. I still remember how I greet my buddies, how I met my third year buddy in Klang and celebrated his birthday all the way back to Klang, and that was my first glance of this place. I guess second year didn't give much impact merely because that is another pre-clinical year, the year with only studies and university events!!Still can't believe I'm already third year, guess I would only admit it when I meet the new faces soon.

The second day, after the registration yesterday. Free, too free. Holiday makes me lazy, I don't mind lying on the bed most of my day grumbling with headache, tired, depressed when I used to be a workaholic. Perhaps I'm just like my pity phone battery, the more I'm charging, the more it is discharging without my notice. Or even when I thought I'm 100% percent charged, but it just drains out within half day. Two free days, what a great time to explore around, to be amused by new fresh stuffs. But finding no strength, no one, all I want is my bed and forever asleep. Who cares, yea,the exact word, who cares. When I'm paranoid to get stuck in this deadly place, who actually care? An isolated place just proof me this loner better. You don't understand, do you? You're just too busy to understand.

Too afraid of changes, I thought I'm always good in adapting, it makes me confused. Now I know, it's not the changing of environment that scared me, but the changes of my behaviour and heart. I can't find the independent, cool and confident girl who enjoying doing her own stuffs ignoring others. Trying to blend in, what a terrible idea when your emotion is worse than terrible. Losing myself too much, can I blame on you? No I decided no more emotional because of you, no more roller coaster mood because of you, no more time reserve for you before my own planning. You're taking up too much of my independence, no, I still wanna be independent as if there is no change. When I plan my best schedule just to see you, I'll never get an assurance that you are eagerly hoping to see me. Behind every effort I try to make, is only more doubt, disappointment, depression and more insecurities. You never know I hated those feeling so much. And you made me feel guilty and condemned if I'm hypersensitive. You never understand, do you? Fine then if you think is too troublesome to see me, then don't meet. I'll stop making any effort before I'm assured what I'm doing is not syok sendiri but it comes mutually. I'm tired actually. 

There's a saying,
If something or someone belongs to you, even when you let go, it will still come back to you.

A Prideful Woman

"Losing independence is a choice for a prideful woman, knowing when the hurt strikes, she has nowhere to run except surrounding by helpless feeling, yet still choose to do so... " 

live that blesses LIVES

Shouldn't have time for blogging, I suppose. Having exam in 3 weeks time and I guess I'm just too lay back, and.. I hate the life sitting in front of the desk for 10 hours. The worst part is you don't get the input as you expected.

Oh well, but it's good that I constantly get myself excuses escaping from study by going church, attending cell group meeting, having discipleship, or even walk into some other life, whom you never expect.

Eventually, we grown up

Happened to chat with my used-to-be-cool-artistic primary school teacher with rocker long hair and a primary school friend through facebook few days back and we just realized how time flies. 10 years, I never thought I've gone so far, and my cool teacher is now married and working in Mediacorp with his..hmm not so long hair anymore? 

I appreciate those people, who used to stay deep in my memory, reappear in my life. Letting me realize, how much I've grown up, how much I've changed along the way. Those people, who might forever stay as my facebook friends and I'll eventually forget their existence, willing to just bug me with a message, and we just make up a date for reunion spontaneously.

夜雨。夜语

What is the irony feeling when your mind keep processing the emotion you've been tried to avoid? Feeling ' I don't wanna sleep when you're deprive from sleep so much,' feeling ' The fellow is talking bullshit when you know you shouldn't hate people,' feeling ' I don't wanna mix with any of them even you know that is the way to extend your network', feeling ' I think I'm alright where the tears can just roll down right after when you turn your back,' or feeling ' the emptiness of missing someone who don't worth you to give a second thought.'

追。 大摇与我 。寻

时间真的是飞快的。看回上一张帖，才发现半个月又过去了，大摇，也结束了。
真的很不可思议，又这样过去了。
他们总说 Post Dayao Syndrome，过了两天仍处于颓废状态的我，很不愿意承认，却不能否认我的确是处于 PDS，虽然症状有异。
我希望这不会是很长的帖，但不能保证！哈哈

所以，经历了那么多精神、情绪上的挫折，大摇不只圆满落幕，因上帝的恩典，我们破了大摇有史以来出席率，连最大的礼堂都爆场，突破1200大关。心中是有很多感动的。从来不为人数担心，只因为相信上帝会预备。而当天的演出，也得到至高的评价，虽然只是个音乐总监的我，为整个活动的开始，过程直到结束都莫名动容。

伊翎，是我的名字

重温自己的文字，其实很喜欢，文字里的我。我没有很优秀的文笔，只是我知道每一个字的情感是真的。有多少人可以从文字理解一个人，有多少个人认识了文字里的我，我不晓得，如果有谁，会花时间去感受。

三月约定

Such a big relief back to home. The feeling is just like..taking a short leave in workplace, though I have not experience it. Such a short break, but I'm so gonna recharge myself before I'm back to the war.

Such a long break ever since I really pick up any responsibility to organize an event. The one I could ever remember is back to Form 5, also a concert. The evidence that I've not change too far. I used to say I will not take up any leader role if God has not placed me on such position. I just hate myself being a horrible dictator, a solution to run away from my personality. God has constantly refine me but I hardly believe myself can play a good role in such position anymore. If is not for Dayao, if is not for the senior who encouraged and looked high on me, if is not for the people I treasure, if is not for the dream I have in this grand concert... 

曾经有人说,

就是宁愿一个人在房里，也放弃几十个人的聚会。

人总是矛盾，别人忘记你时，你喊bojio；人家邀时，却真的没什么兴致参与。

不能说我不介意一群人的聚会总是被遗忘，但如果说我很介意，却又不完全是事实。记得你的人，又怎么会忘记你？

有人说，情绪不好时不要一个人，但我相信一个人，要比一群人的热闹凸显的寂寞要好一些。

人人都在积极完成100天快乐日记，我说，快乐又何必强求。或许能帮我们更加懂得乐观看待每一天，但若为了完成任务而强装开心，始终任务失败吧。。

向来不是戏迷，拖了那么久，今天终于才愿意宅一次，看 On Call 2。除了里面的帅哥美女医生医术高超，把人与人之间的关系也衬托得贴切。医生们，安慰辅导病人时，总会不经意`把自己深藏的心念说出来吧。人终究要发现生命的脆弱，才会知道真情的可贵。

情人节。不快乐

我真的不理了，不想再压抑，那种真的喘不过气的感觉。

大道理自己总是说得很多，能真的实际履行的，或许没有几条。现在真的很糟糕，都不晓得怎么让事情变得如此糟糕。

喜欢是种什么感觉，应该是甜的，苦的，还是酸的？
我不知道什么是喜欢，但我知道什么叫做迷恋。一昧只看到对方的好、样貌、才干，快要变得天上有地下无的境界，那是迷恋。

COCO离家记

结果就突然的生病，然后离开了。

接到消息的第一个反应是，‘我应该要有什么反应？’

似乎是因为长期压抑反射性情绪，花了整整一天，在思考到底我的反应正常吗？

所以一整天拜年，玩牌、唱歌、弹琴、吃年饼、拿红包，我还是过了很开心的一天。

我正常吗？