二十九

今年的我二十九了。

存粹，太九没有回来这里报到。

依然单身，在一年前，亲手结束了珍爱两年的感情。

你知道的，你有多么的爱，就有多么的伤；有多么的爱，就有多么的想得到更多。

我自视清高地以为，我的爱是放手，但其实是因为他无法给我更多。

我要的爱是有未来，他对于未来却总是三缄其口，所以，我们分开了。

澳洲2.0

这是自己的决定，自己的坚持，自己的相信，快要一个月还依然站立着的我。

不敢埋怨太多，不敢伤心太深，有多少人想要到澳洲却还没有得到那个机会，我除了感恩，哪有资格难过。

回到平静

。因为想要留着最后一张帖是正面的。

因为有种感觉我好像又会再把这个部落格抛一边了。你们要为我高兴，因为那证明，终于我又站起来了。

beautiful dream, lasts?

I'm still in my dream, wouldn't want to wake up.

Finally, escape from the depressing past. I wanted a new start. A new life, to restart everything again. To restart a life, without past, without sorrow, without the painful memory. A life that only represents the present me, people who never know about my past, who never question about my past, who never bother who am I in the past. If I'm allow to, I would leave that life behind, be it happy or sad memories, the past that makes me unsure if I'm smiling still because I'm happy, or simply is the action from the facial muscles.

I know one day

I know one day, 

Future me, please have a look

hey, I wish somewhere in the future, when I scrolled back this post, I can smile and say, 
it's finally over. 

I will tell myself, the agony has gone, the lifelessness has passed, the tears has dried up, the aching has stopped, but the love persists..

K Lang

So finally, today is the day, when I'm finally leaving this place.
I've been hated this place so much;
I've been working my way to not stay in this place as far as I could;
I've been feeling more alone and isolated in this deadly place;
I've been shedding much more tears as far as I could remember compare before;
so much heartbroken, so much isolation, so much slanders, so many haters..
and I'm staying the last night in this room.
But, feeling complicated.

Bye 2014, Hi 2015!

I like the quote in Mandarin，‘遥不可及的不是十年以后，是十年以前。
And I just wish I've not waste too much of my life in this 2014. I thank God 2014 is another suffering year, a tough year simply it just means I'm out of my comfort zone and still stretching to reach my true ability. And I thank God, despite all, I'm celebrating the end with a grateful heart and welcoming the new year with new hope.

If you're just happened to read up my final post on 2014, I sincerely thank you for spending your time on me, being a little 'kepoh' and concern of what is in it. Thank you and appreciate you！

2014 is just another year to prove that I'm imperfect human. I did mistakes, I hurt people, I picked up arguments and fights, I cursed, I did most of the wrong things I know I shouldn't have done. It's an open apology, to those I've hurt for the past one year, I'm truly sorry about it and I would mend the relationship if you allow me to do so. I'm a harsh person, if I've said or done something that hurt you, please forgive me and don't take in all the harsh words. I'm just another imperfect person learning to be a better one. Of all, I'm truly sorry. : /

I guess probably because the beginning of semester is not synchronize with the beginning of the year, it took me quite some times to recall my year. Really appreciate your presence in my 2014, be it a good or a bad one. Just manage to pick some photos out, so even you are not in it, I'm truly appreciate YOU!!

Because I'm happy~being in love

I'm grateful tomorrow is holiday! I'm grateful I have more time to rest and work on report! I'm grateful I have time for sport! I'm grateful I'm going out tomorrow! That's why I'm posting short notes here to show my gratitude! Wweeeeeeeeeeeee~ :3

Never would I deny happiness can so over-flooded because of one person, just that I had totally forgotten this feeling for years, and probably not so much like now. No, not the time to declare yet, but I'm happy, simply happy.

live that blesses LIVES

Shouldn't have time for blogging, I suppose. Having exam in 3 weeks time and I guess I'm just too lay back, and.. I hate the life sitting in front of the desk for 10 hours. The worst part is you don't get the input as you expected.

Oh well, but it's good that I constantly get myself excuses escaping from study by going church, attending cell group meeting, having discipleship, or even walk into some other life, whom you never expect.

Eventually, we grown up

Happened to chat with my used-to-be-cool-artistic primary school teacher with rocker long hair and a primary school friend through facebook few days back and we just realized how time flies. 10 years, I never thought I've gone so far, and my cool teacher is now married and working in Mediacorp with his..hmm not so long hair anymore? 

I appreciate those people, who used to stay deep in my memory, reappear in my life. Letting me realize, how much I've grown up, how much I've changed along the way. Those people, who might forever stay as my facebook friends and I'll eventually forget their existence, willing to just bug me with a message, and we just make up a date for reunion spontaneously.

伊翎，是我的名字

重温自己的文字，其实很喜欢，文字里的我。我没有很优秀的文笔，只是我知道每一个字的情感是真的。有多少人可以从文字理解一个人，有多少个人认识了文字里的我，我不晓得，如果有谁，会花时间去感受。

三月约定

Such a big relief back to home. The feeling is just like..taking a short leave in workplace, though I have not experience it. Such a short break, but I'm so gonna recharge myself before I'm back to the war.

Such a long break ever since I really pick up any responsibility to organize an event. The one I could ever remember is back to Form 5, also a concert. The evidence that I've not change too far. I used to say I will not take up any leader role if God has not placed me on such position. I just hate myself being a horrible dictator, a solution to run away from my personality. God has constantly refine me but I hardly believe myself can play a good role in such position anymore. If is not for Dayao, if is not for the senior who encouraged and looked high on me, if is not for the people I treasure, if is not for the dream I have in this grand concert... 

COCO离家记

结果就突然的生病，然后离开了。

接到消息的第一个反应是，‘我应该要有什么反应？’

似乎是因为长期压抑反射性情绪，花了整整一天，在思考到底我的反应正常吗？

所以一整天拜年，玩牌、唱歌、弹琴、吃年饼、拿红包，我还是过了很开心的一天。

我正常吗？

if I die young

the thought just came in when I was on the flight back to KL from Langkawi.
probably night always brings up my inner emotion when I'm alone.
What if the flight crash the way back?
Definitely I shall rejoice to go heaven earlier but wait.. NO!!!
not now.. definitely not now..

2013 Review - Christmas my love

Christmas is always beautiful, as well as a reminder that time flies. Last year is special when I'm gonna enter twenty, the age start with '2-'. This year is significant as well as I'm officially grown up with the age of 21.

Another short review of year, perhaps, a thanksgiving?

Live your wildest dream

I saw this line at a digital board at Jalan Bintang area when I was finding Lot 10. It just struck me now when I finally accomplished heptathlon race. If you know nothing about heptathlon, it is a track & field game consists of 100m hurdles, 200m, 800m, long jump, high jump, javelin and short put, total of seven events. Nothing special about it. Somebody wrote my name for this race, after all the struggles, I decided to try it out and I won silver medal.

下一次花开

终于结束了，两个月的辛苦排练。真的真的，不止为了演出成功而大声欢呼，同时也为了自己真的完成一个不可能的任务而大声庆贺。
知道现在还在忙着教会的活动，来临的大型摇篮手演绎会，还有一叠还没复习的课，所以完全没有活动结束后的空虚感。

累了。上帝

心累了好久，干渴了好久。。
以为回到了上帝的怀抱，却原来还在死撑着。对人说我不好，却说不出什么不好。人总问，压力吗？责任吗？妥协吗？都是，也都都不是。
只有那时，当他问起我不好，是因为离开了上帝吗，我突然好像一个火星人在地球上找到自己的同伴，一个理解我的，好想哭。娓娓道来我的近况，真的很想见他，只因为他会明白，他真的可以帮助我逃离这样的窘境，至少我这么期望着。
因为不管多努力关心我，不认识这个上帝，是没有办法完全理解我的。

home

The more I grown up, the more I attach to the word 'home', it just simply make my heart warm and I'm grateful about it.
People around me can so easily sense my excitement for this short break simply because I'm back to my refuge! Free from stress, free from tiredness, free from worries with the add on of homecook food, entertainment and quality time with people whom I loved.
I used to think of running away from home, but now it just sounds silly to me.
Growing up from the hatred and bitterness till the turning point to forgive and accept, it ain't too late to realize and speak out I love my family.