beautiful dream, lasts?

I'm still in my dream, wouldn't want to wake up.

Finally, escape from the depressing past. I wanted a new start. A new life, to restart everything again. To restart a life, without past, without sorrow, without the painful memory. A life that only represents the present me, people who never know about my past, who never question about my past, who never bother who am I in the past. If I'm allow to, I would leave that life behind, be it happy or sad memories, the past that makes me unsure if I'm smiling still because I'm happy, or simply is the action from the facial muscles.

never mind

I did something terrible, making the situation even unbearable.
Making myself more enemies.

The wounded heart, hurting by the lies and betrayal, who can bear?
The wounded heart, hurting by someone you've truly given your heart to, who can bear?

I know one day

I know one day, 

Future me, please have a look

hey, I wish somewhere in the future, when I scrolled back this post, I can smile and say, 
it's finally over. 

I will tell myself, the agony has gone, the lifelessness has passed, the tears has dried up, the aching has stopped, but the love persists..

K Lang

So finally, today is the day, when I'm finally leaving this place.
I've been hated this place so much;
I've been working my way to not stay in this place as far as I could;
I've been feeling more alone and isolated in this deadly place;
I've been shedding much more tears as far as I could remember compare before;
so much heartbroken, so much isolation, so much slanders, so many haters..
and I'm staying the last night in this room.
But, feeling complicated.

hey

hey,
.
.
.
.
.
.

.

I thought my last post was last century. I have been given up blogging I guess. 
I guess no matter good or bad, I have somebody to tell. So I don't need to blog? Telling nobody here.
But, not anymore.

Bye 2014, Hi 2015!

I like the quote in Mandarin，‘遥不可及的不是十年以后，是十年以前。
And I just wish I've not waste too much of my life in this 2014. I thank God 2014 is another suffering year, a tough year simply it just means I'm out of my comfort zone and still stretching to reach my true ability. And I thank God, despite all, I'm celebrating the end with a grateful heart and welcoming the new year with new hope.

If you're just happened to read up my final post on 2014, I sincerely thank you for spending your time on me, being a little 'kepoh' and concern of what is in it. Thank you and appreciate you！

2014 is just another year to prove that I'm imperfect human. I did mistakes, I hurt people, I picked up arguments and fights, I cursed, I did most of the wrong things I know I shouldn't have done. It's an open apology, to those I've hurt for the past one year, I'm truly sorry about it and I would mend the relationship if you allow me to do so. I'm a harsh person, if I've said or done something that hurt you, please forgive me and don't take in all the harsh words. I'm just another imperfect person learning to be a better one. Of all, I'm truly sorry. : /

I guess probably because the beginning of semester is not synchronize with the beginning of the year, it took me quite some times to recall my year. Really appreciate your presence in my 2014, be it a good or a bad one. Just manage to pick some photos out, so even you are not in it, I'm truly appreciate YOU!!

End of first posting in life~

A very direct title. Yes, I'm done with my first clinical posting, Paediatrics!... I hope I can continue the sentence ' with a flying colour' but too bad, I think I just screwed out my short case. Damn the hand foot mouth disease, I'll now remember you for the rest of the lifetime from now on.

怎么突然决定写华文，可能这样，就会比较少人看得懂吧。。比较少。。

Because I'm happy~being in love

I'm grateful tomorrow is holiday! I'm grateful I have more time to rest and work on report! I'm grateful I have time for sport! I'm grateful I'm going out tomorrow! That's why I'm posting short notes here to show my gratitude! Wweeeeeeeeeeeee~ :3

Never would I deny happiness can so over-flooded because of one person, just that I had totally forgotten this feeling for years, and probably not so much like now. No, not the time to declare yet, but I'm happy, simply happy.

Somewhere in Klang

I know one day I will be here, I know I'll be in love with this place according to the seniors' sharing, I know it will be a place flooded with memory, I know it will unlock my another stage of journey in life, and I know all these will no longer in future tense.

Yes, I'm here in Klang in the end. Can't believe how time flies, I'm now a third year medical students, which is the half of the journey as a medical student. When my beloved first year junior is still having their orientation week, I can't help but reminiscing the life when I was a newbie in a university. I still remember how I greet my buddies, how I met my third year buddy in Klang and celebrated his birthday all the way back to Klang, and that was my first glance of this place. I guess second year didn't give much impact merely because that is another pre-clinical year, the year with only studies and university events!!Still can't believe I'm already third year, guess I would only admit it when I meet the new faces soon.

The second day, after the registration yesterday. Free, too free. Holiday makes me lazy, I don't mind lying on the bed most of my day grumbling with headache, tired, depressed when I used to be a workaholic. Perhaps I'm just like my pity phone battery, the more I'm charging, the more it is discharging without my notice. Or even when I thought I'm 100% percent charged, but it just drains out within half day. Two free days, what a great time to explore around, to be amused by new fresh stuffs. But finding no strength, no one, all I want is my bed and forever asleep. Who cares, yea,the exact word, who cares. When I'm paranoid to get stuck in this deadly place, who actually care? An isolated place just proof me this loner better. You don't understand, do you? You're just too busy to understand.

Too afraid of changes, I thought I'm always good in adapting, it makes me confused. Now I know, it's not the changing of environment that scared me, but the changes of my behaviour and heart. I can't find the independent, cool and confident girl who enjoying doing her own stuffs ignoring others. Trying to blend in, what a terrible idea when your emotion is worse than terrible. Losing myself too much, can I blame on you? No I decided no more emotional because of you, no more roller coaster mood because of you, no more time reserve for you before my own planning. You're taking up too much of my independence, no, I still wanna be independent as if there is no change. When I plan my best schedule just to see you, I'll never get an assurance that you are eagerly hoping to see me. Behind every effort I try to make, is only more doubt, disappointment, depression and more insecurities. You never know I hated those feeling so much. And you made me feel guilty and condemned if I'm hypersensitive. You never understand, do you? Fine then if you think is too troublesome to see me, then don't meet. I'll stop making any effort before I'm assured what I'm doing is not syok sendiri but it comes mutually. I'm tired actually. 

There's a saying,
If something or someone belongs to you, even when you let go, it will still come back to you.

A Prideful Woman

"Losing independence is a choice for a prideful woman, knowing when the hurt strikes, she has nowhere to run except surrounding by helpless feeling, yet still choose to do so... "