hey

hey,
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I guess this is where I will be non stop writing, at least for the moment.
It's weird.
I used to have my diary with all sorts of life experience.
but now I choose blogging instead.

perhaps, is the dilemma. You want somebody knows, and you don't want them know.
You want somebody knows how much you care, but you don't want to face the consequences by turning it to active conversation. So you rather talk to yourself, and hoping someone overheard.

I'm amaze how a brain function. And I'm amazed all sorts of fantasies that have been created in my mind. The dramas and stories that might probably never come true. 
To continue hope, I just don't get it.
To hope in God, but you know part of you is still stuck in the past. 
To hope for a better future, but you know deep down, you want something to be in that future and, you doubt if God has prepare that something in your future.
You want to ask why, you tried, you prayed, you begged..

You want to say you have not given up, you have not forgotten.
But you are too afraid to think if you are the only still stuck in the same point.

who cares. who really cares.
and you realize all you need is just for him to care.