曾经有人说,

就是宁愿一个人在房里，也放弃几十个人的聚会。

人总是矛盾，别人忘记你时，你喊bojio；人家邀时，却真的没什么兴致参与。

不能说我不介意一群人的聚会总是被遗忘，但如果说我很介意，却又不完全是事实。记得你的人，又怎么会忘记你？

有人说，情绪不好时不要一个人，但我相信一个人，要比一群人的热闹凸显的寂寞要好一些。

人人都在积极完成100天快乐日记，我说，快乐又何必强求。或许能帮我们更加懂得乐观看待每一天，但若为了完成任务而强装开心，始终任务失败吧。。

向来不是戏迷，拖了那么久，今天终于才愿意宅一次，看 On Call 2。除了里面的帅哥美女医生医术高超，把人与人之间的关系也衬托得贴切。医生们，安慰辅导病人时，总会不经意`把自己深藏的心念说出来吧。人终究要发现生命的脆弱，才会知道真情的可贵。

情人节。不快乐

我真的不理了，不想再压抑，那种真的喘不过气的感觉。

大道理自己总是说得很多，能真的实际履行的，或许没有几条。现在真的很糟糕，都不晓得怎么让事情变得如此糟糕。

喜欢是种什么感觉，应该是甜的，苦的，还是酸的？
我不知道什么是喜欢，但我知道什么叫做迷恋。一昧只看到对方的好、样貌、才干，快要变得天上有地下无的境界，那是迷恋。

COCO离家记

结果就突然的生病，然后离开了。

接到消息的第一个反应是，‘我应该要有什么反应？’

似乎是因为长期压抑反射性情绪，花了整整一天，在思考到底我的反应正常吗？

所以一整天拜年，玩牌、唱歌、弹琴、吃年饼、拿红包，我还是过了很开心的一天。

我正常吗？

Music, my love

So proud to present my 2 new self-composed songs! Being a busy medical student with a hectic life, one thing I've learnt to really be grateful is the time I have for things I love and for myself. Adapting myself so much better now allowing me to put down my books and spent the whole week just to produce two songs. Such a crazy idea if I were to do it in my first year super stress life. Not the first time composing songs but the first time really be serious in every steps. From the ideas of the songs, genres, lyrics to melodies. Editing lyrics and the melodies so many times just to get the best of all though it might not be the best among the really good songs.

Not a good guitar player but trying to come out with a good accompaniment, not a good singer but trying to sing with the real feeling, not a good song writer but trying to write a song with story, no professional devices for song recording but still trying best to produce a good demo with slightly low quality. After all, I really enjoy the process. 

Not sure when is the next time for the song recording, probably not so soon when I foresee the busy life in preparing Dayao concert. Really praying hard for it.

Hate to do calculation or countdown, but this is human nature to somehow be caring of things which have been buried deep down.

I'm surprise. I'm covering well, so far.

结果又到了半夜三更，最emo的时候，太糟糕了。
好了，不说了，睡了。

夜。乱语

这个时间在网上潜水绝对是大错特错，只因为明天有早课。是的，没错，当其他人还在享受农历新年，我却被迫回到宿舍，准备明天的课。医科啊医科，允许我抱怨你一会儿。。

享受一个人的宁静，就像安静的宿舍，只有我一人，整栋楼的学生没超过一半。
所以我玩吉他，唱歌，写歌，只是发现自己的才能或许还不足，写的歌总让我泄气。

然后自high了就是夜深人静，心就在边缘，谷底的边缘。

if I die young

the thought just came in when I was on the flight back to KL from Langkawi.
probably night always brings up my inner emotion when I'm alone.
What if the flight crash the way back?
Definitely I shall rejoice to go heaven earlier but wait.. NO!!!
not now.. definitely not now..

2013 Review - Christmas my love

Christmas is always beautiful, as well as a reminder that time flies. Last year is special when I'm gonna enter twenty, the age start with '2-'. This year is significant as well as I'm officially grown up with the age of 21.

Another short review of year, perhaps, a thanksgiving?

Live your wildest dream

I saw this line at a digital board at Jalan Bintang area when I was finding Lot 10. It just struck me now when I finally accomplished heptathlon race. If you know nothing about heptathlon, it is a track & field game consists of 100m hurdles, 200m, 800m, long jump, high jump, javelin and short put, total of seven events. Nothing special about it. Somebody wrote my name for this race, after all the struggles, I decided to try it out and I won silver medal.

下一次花开

终于结束了，两个月的辛苦排练。真的真的，不止为了演出成功而大声欢呼，同时也为了自己真的完成一个不可能的任务而大声庆贺。
知道现在还在忙着教会的活动，来临的大型摇篮手演绎会，还有一叠还没复习的课，所以完全没有活动结束后的空虚感。

累了。上帝

心累了好久，干渴了好久。。
以为回到了上帝的怀抱，却原来还在死撑着。对人说我不好，却说不出什么不好。人总问，压力吗？责任吗？妥协吗？都是，也都都不是。
只有那时，当他问起我不好，是因为离开了上帝吗，我突然好像一个火星人在地球上找到自己的同伴，一个理解我的，好想哭。娓娓道来我的近况，真的很想见他，只因为他会明白，他真的可以帮助我逃离这样的窘境，至少我这么期望着。
因为不管多努力关心我，不认识这个上帝，是没有办法完全理解我的。

骗局

记忆是会骗人的，习惯也是会骗人的。

如果记忆告诉你热水会烫伤你，从此你就小心翼翼，不让自己被烫伤，就像你小心翼翼的，不让自己重复那极其可能的伤害，即使结果不尽然如此，尽管那可能是记忆的谎言。
如果把记忆体拆掉，或许更能勇敢往前冲。
经验或许让人成长，但却阻止了我们发展。

只因为，更习惯呆在安全地带。


如果习惯告诉你晚上十点睡觉才会精神，凌晨一点睡觉一定会让你上课打瞌睡，即使睡迟也醒迟了，因为脑袋已经预设了你因迟睡该有的反应。
就像习惯有了靠岸，当依赖失去时就变得惊慌失措，忘了在那之前你一个人也是好好的，而那只不过是习惯的谎言。
如果让每天变成乱调，或许会谱出更动人的音乐。
重复或许让生活稳定，但却让生活失色了。

只因为，我们害怕改变。



或许，我要抛开的，是记忆，也是习惯。

home

The more I grown up, the more I attach to the word 'home', it just simply make my heart warm and I'm grateful about it.
People around me can so easily sense my excitement for this short break simply because I'm back to my refuge! Free from stress, free from tiredness, free from worries with the add on of homecook food, entertainment and quality time with people whom I loved.
I used to think of running away from home, but now it just sounds silly to me.
Growing up from the hatred and bitterness till the turning point to forgive and accept, it ain't too late to realize and speak out I love my family.