I dreamed a dream, a beautiful dream

Suddenly think of this song. I only knew it when I watched Les Miserable and I only love it after few times listening to the music video of this movie. The first time I watched this scene, I don't get all the feelings. But now I understand how Anne Hathaway won so many awards with just a few scenes in the movie. The more I reminisced the movie, the more I'm in love with the movie. Hope there's chance I can watch the musical of Les Miserable.

The dream I dreamed might probably been killed, but I know my hope is rebuild in God.

Rainbow after the rain

Happened to flip through this journal book with the 28 days memory in Cambodia. I always remind myself to complete it with the devotion, my feeling and the learning values every each day. Reminiscing the days in mission field, there's still many challenges but what makes me fearless is the unshaken faith knowing God is in control when I'm in His mission. I guess that is one of the reason I love mission. 
I want the faith I have during the mission. 
The leaders constantly remind me that I'm in a bigger mission field, which is this real life and I shall have the same faith knowing God is in control of my life, but I always fail, and I really hate the feeling of losing hope. Oh God, have mercy on me when my emotion constantly swings up and down. :(

when the night falls

Here comes the very sensitive part of my soul when the night falls. I used to love this very detail part of my sensation where I'm back to my most natural state as a woman. But being a woman, the biggest struggle I guess every women faces is the emotion stability. Sensitivity only means it is either extremely good state or the other way round. But Joyce Meyer is right, this very powerful pastor is teaching the women to have stability in their soul and I know I'm in progress. 20 years old is big enough to learn some lessons in life, and I just pray it will work well in my future, especially the marriage I always dream of but at the same time, having fear in it.

I can't do without

Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.

C.S.Lewis

There is this woman, whose husband was diagnosed with a brain tumour. At this stage, she knew she had a clear choice to make. To distance herself from him, and if he died, perhaps she would feel less pain or to love for all she was worth-and trust God for the outcome. She thought " This may be my one chance to love a man and to give myself to all marriage has to offer. I can either hold back and protect my heart from further pain down the road or I can go for broke and love like there's no tomorrow - because there may not be. "

" I'd rather be heartbroken..than to hold back and refuse to love."

把风景都看透，再看细水长流。

从来都不觉得我是一个好相处的人，但是那些愿意和我相处的人，他们真的都很善良。
。
。
原来在低谷里还可以紧紧捉着的手臂，才是真正爱你的朋友。
。
。
其实我真的什么都不要，只要一个不嫌弃我眼泪沾湿的衣襟，和一个拥抱让我放声大哭。
。
。

When I cry

A very sweet sharing from my dear sister in Christ. Such a big comfort from the lyrics.

the more I'm in pain, the more I'm in love

Never know it's just a week of my holiday. There's such tremendous change in me. People might not realize from external, but I know my mood swing like roller-coaster. But this roller-coaster keeps going down till no end. I'm scare, I know I'm really scare, if God's hand is not there for me. Life was so much beautiful when there is no fall, no pain nor hurt. But I know life can never be that beautiful once I overcome the fall, the pain & hurt.

还是受伤了。。

真的还是受伤了。。我真的以为只要不陷入任何一段感情， 我就不需要承受那种锥心的痛， 我真的以为我一直在安全地带，真的以为。。
朋友说只有到失去时， 你才发现它的价值。是这样吗？怎么这句话真的刺进我的心。
而且我好像懂得什么叫自作自受了，明明是我选择的，不是吗？将我凭什么去哭诉，凭什么去奢求。。

完结篇

每个故事的开始，都只是为了一个完结篇。一部能够让你迷上的电视剧，不也都为了一个结局而设。而不管是哪一个结局，留下的都是淡淡的忧愁，一个终于等到最后，却是有点失去什么的心情。
我不是一个勇敢的人，至少，当我可以选择逃避的时候，即使我都让自己表现得很勇敢。只是，当我很慌乱的时候，我真的希望我不是那个写下结局的人。

I'm all alone

What people comment about me is that I'm a loner or a soloist.
Yes, I'm well-off alone, like what she described me.
love to being in my own world, doing stuffs that people will never appreciate, having thoughts that people might not understand. I know I'm different, and I know I'm always do.
Even when thing messed up, I will keep it all to myself. 
But life changed me. Too many warm hearts transformed me.

纠结

不是从来不知道，而是太久没有感受这样的纠结了。自以为很聪明，能够把玩情绪情感，让自己置于事外，最后还是一脚陷进来。讨厌纠结的情绪，明明很多思绪，却都搅在一起。。

wordless

I have been leaving my laptop at the 'new post' page of the blogspot, thinking I should have write something after so long time but just can't figure out something wise?
Shall I talk about my first year in university which had just come to the end? sounds lame. Talk about haze? what can I do with it then. Talk about my troubles facing right now? It's just too complicated. Nothing seems right for me. 
I thought I could have post something meaningful when I finally find time sitting in front of laptop without any rush, I thought some ideas could just pop out and once I start writing it will seems no ending, but.. I FAILED. 
Ok fine, I guess I have nothing to say.