2013 Review - Christmas my love

Christmas is always beautiful, as well as a reminder that time flies. Last year is special when I'm gonna enter twenty, the age start with '2-'. This year is significant as well as I'm officially grown up with the age of 21.

Another short review of year, perhaps, a thanksgiving?

Live your wildest dream

I saw this line at a digital board at Jalan Bintang area when I was finding Lot 10. It just struck me now when I finally accomplished heptathlon race. If you know nothing about heptathlon, it is a track & field game consists of 100m hurdles, 200m, 800m, long jump, high jump, javelin and short put, total of seven events. Nothing special about it. Somebody wrote my name for this race, after all the struggles, I decided to try it out and I won silver medal.

下一次花开

终于结束了，两个月的辛苦排练。真的真的，不止为了演出成功而大声欢呼，同时也为了自己真的完成一个不可能的任务而大声庆贺。
知道现在还在忙着教会的活动，来临的大型摇篮手演绎会，还有一叠还没复习的课，所以完全没有活动结束后的空虚感。

累了。上帝

心累了好久，干渴了好久。。
以为回到了上帝的怀抱，却原来还在死撑着。对人说我不好，却说不出什么不好。人总问，压力吗？责任吗？妥协吗？都是，也都都不是。
只有那时，当他问起我不好，是因为离开了上帝吗，我突然好像一个火星人在地球上找到自己的同伴，一个理解我的，好想哭。娓娓道来我的近况，真的很想见他，只因为他会明白，他真的可以帮助我逃离这样的窘境，至少我这么期望着。
因为不管多努力关心我，不认识这个上帝，是没有办法完全理解我的。

骗局

记忆是会骗人的，习惯也是会骗人的。

如果记忆告诉你热水会烫伤你，从此你就小心翼翼，不让自己被烫伤，就像你小心翼翼的，不让自己重复那极其可能的伤害，即使结果不尽然如此，尽管那可能是记忆的谎言。
如果把记忆体拆掉，或许更能勇敢往前冲。
经验或许让人成长，但却阻止了我们发展。

只因为，更习惯呆在安全地带。


如果习惯告诉你晚上十点睡觉才会精神，凌晨一点睡觉一定会让你上课打瞌睡，即使睡迟也醒迟了，因为脑袋已经预设了你因迟睡该有的反应。
就像习惯有了靠岸，当依赖失去时就变得惊慌失措，忘了在那之前你一个人也是好好的，而那只不过是习惯的谎言。
如果让每天变成乱调，或许会谱出更动人的音乐。
重复或许让生活稳定，但却让生活失色了。

只因为，我们害怕改变。



或许，我要抛开的，是记忆，也是习惯。

home

The more I grown up, the more I attach to the word 'home', it just simply make my heart warm and I'm grateful about it.
People around me can so easily sense my excitement for this short break simply because I'm back to my refuge! Free from stress, free from tiredness, free from worries with the add on of homecook food, entertainment and quality time with people whom I loved.
I used to think of running away from home, but now it just sounds silly to me.
Growing up from the hatred and bitterness till the turning point to forgive and accept, it ain't too late to realize and speak out I love my family. 

舞出。美丽

其实可以和众巴蒂相聚吃个宵夜，我是很开心的。
参了舞台剧，所以时间也被塞满了，可以做的事真的不多。问我到底喜欢什么，是唱歌表演还是演奏，其实都不是，我喜欢的是舞台，喜欢的是镁光灯，还有小小的优越感 -- 一只在台上随音乐起舞的天鹅。

EE buddies! :)

I would say it's a busy month ever since the new semester started. Still, study is overwhelming due to the pack schedule, health is deteriorating due to sleepless night but I know I just need a little more time to get myself use to it. After all, I enjoy my life with every single little events that worth celebrating.

听说爱情。擦肩而过

总是到了夜深人静，各样思绪就不断侵入我脑袋。潜意识其实不抗拒，反而喜欢安静聆听内心的自我。真的很忙碌了，每晚都是累得快不行倒头就睡。很庆幸，周末的我，怎么都能熬夜腾出自己的空间，来点心灵滋补。不久前有个交际泛泛的朋友形容我，是一个会想很多，却碍于没有人理解也把很多想法埋藏起来的人。我没有承认，虽然我的落寞，好大原因是找不到共享的人。说穿了，大家为着生活忙碌打拼，又有谁愿意花那时间听你无谓的乱调呢？

I don't need a reason to be happy

It's been two weeks after returned to KL, one week after the new semester started. I would say I have my life living wonderful. Early return is just another best decision I've made. I guess this is the feeling of attachment, sense of belonging. Still remember how lost I felt when the first year coming to the end and I had to travel back to JB. Even I was born in JB, KL is more like a comfortable place for me, or to be more precise, UM, the life in the campus is more comfortable after all. 

I did has a real terrible emotion before the new semester started when the stress once again laying heavily on my shoulders, so much fear for what is to come. But all the horrible feeling just disappear when things actually started in quite a way that I can handle. Even it's just a week, everything seems familiar as if I have doing all this as the routine of my life. It's a good sign. I'm happy.

失而复得

最后的结论始终是--我不是宅女。花了大半天的时间追完偶像剧，真的只有想吐的感觉，真差劲。虽然有时还是不自禁让自己陷进电视剧情景，可是还是控制不让自己花痴，就算二十是当值花痴期。 结果觉得自己严重虚度光阴，太糟糕了。结果不知道提早回来，是不是个错误。结果竟然给情绪制造那么大的空间，极度发挥它的效应。

准备？

说白了只是篇没有心理准备，就写下的东西，还以为我能够。还是太习惯被情绪左右吗？虽然是进步了，但还是免不了那些许的挣扎吧，说些许，还蛮心虚的。上帝非要，非要把情绪放在女人身上吗？