aloneness = loneliness ?

"" am i anticipating for a long last relationship?

i might just fooling myself if i say no.

but seriously i know i shouldn't hope for anything here. ""

they seems like bringing the same meaning

but it is not.

studying alone, eating alone, hanging around alone 

i never feel lonely

just the aloneness

but forcing myself mingling with the friends they mean

i feel extremely lonely

being throwing at a corner

do i really just feel the belongingness studying at this place

or am i just hoping people willl realise my existence

so that they can easily find and spot me if i fix my where to go

human is created with the needs and desires for companionship

am i anticipating for a long last relationship?

i might just fooling myself if i say no.

but seriously i know i shouldn't hope for anything here.

i think is necessary for me to clarify

i'm not saying bgr, just a last long friend.

i'm not isolating myself from people

nor i push away people that trying to get near to me.

i will open up my heart

if someone taking the courage to knock the door of heart

i'd spent time with people who first approach

and i never regret doing so.

if you do care about me

you won't take me that easily.

if you cherish me

you won't let go that easily

if you are me

you will know how heartbroken i am.

一个人，没有笑的理由，也没有哭的理由。

Empowered

"" Have faith in Him if you believe His existence.. ""

since my last counselling session,

i've been out here for month & feeling alright so far.

i told my counsellor i can't feel God's presence out here,

I'm being left out here.

she said,

God is not by feeling,

he's existing even though you don't feel it,

he's just by your side even you don't see it,

he's watching over you even you don't sense it.

he's comforting you even you don't hear it.

Have faith in Him if you believe His existence.

Psalm 13 resonated my feeling completely,

when i'm dreadful seeking for God.

but

He understand the rejection in me

as it is not a coincidence for same situation happening

again and again

He is taking challenge over me

and He is hoping me to win over the destructive emotion

that had rooted since young.

to make me a whole person in Christ

there is a must

is time to change my mindset.

this is the conclusion for the whole session.

it's alright when you're excluded

it's okay when you're not be invited

it's no longer a hurt as you know God is with you

i'm empowered in God's strengths.

no APOLOGIES - SEX

Abstinence. It works everytime.

this is the slogan of the " No Apologies " camp launched by Focus On The Family

with the theme : the truth about life, love + sex

so I'm now sharing about SEX or VIRGINITY

Abstinenceis refraining grom all sexual activity including:

intercourse, oral sex, anal sex & mutual masturbation.

I'm not going to elaborate more on it,

but I will show the fact & statistic that YOU might not know.

as I believe teenagers nowadays have the ability to think

is the crucial time for you to think about whether to have PREMARITAL SEX

the FACTS of condom

* condoms may reduce but do not eliminate the risk of acquiring STDs ( sex transmitted diseases )

* they slightly reduce the risk if transmitting gonorrhea

* condoms do not appear to offer any protection against HPV, herpes or chlamydia

* it's estimated that 75% of sexually active individuals have had- or currently have - HPV

* only 15-20% of sexually active adolescents report consistent use of condoms

* 15% of all couples who rely on condoms will become pregnant in the first year, while teens who cohabitate can expect condoms to fail 71% of the time.

* condoms fail about 15% of the time to reduce the risk of HIV infection.

friends, are you going to risk your future on that piece of rubber??

Sexually transmitted disease (STD)

* approximately 15 million new STD cases are reported, 1/4 sexually experienced teens will acquire an STD

* PID can lead to infertility & ectopic pregnancy ( prevent the baby from developing normally )

* nearly 2/3 of all STDs occur in people yonger than 25 years of age

* complications from STDs are more severe and more frequent among women than among men

* STDs may increase susceptibility to HIV infections two to five fold

* nearly 3 in 10 teen pregnancies end in abortion

So, YOU might think that you could play around the passion's fire and not get burned

as only sexual intercourse will contribute to STDs. 

But I'm telling you now:

skin to skin contact in sexual activities will STILL contribute to STDs even WITHOUT sexual intercourse.

In other words, you don't have to lose your virginity to contact a STD.

 the DANGERS in a date 

* 56% of girls raped by a date

* 30% raped by a friend

* 11% raped by a boyfriend

* 90% of these 'acquaintance rapes' involved alcohol

* 74% of girls who had intercourse before the age of 14 report having sex against their will.

this is more I could share.

you might be surprised of the statistic or feel nothing about it.

But I'm encourage you & me starts to do something. 

if you want to be COOL, go against the trend!

Premarital sex is not the way.

Abstinence is the only 100% effective means of preventing pregnancy & the spread of STD

presence of God

"" for the very first time,

i sensed the presence of God

i felt the holy spirit working inside of me ""

back from a wonderful church camp,

is just like i meant to be in the camp..

or every each of us meant to be there..

the camp will be incomplete without any single member.

for the very first time,

i sensed the presence of God

i felt the holy spirit working inside of me

that was really amazing..

i never knew it can be so true so alive

until that moment..

even though i still not sensitive to holy spirit

but it's a good starting for me

to open up my heart.

enjoyed not only the time with God,

but with my cell group members

we've been as close as siblings.

thx Andy Johnson & Eevon for giving me a memorable time.

i don't have to mask up in front of you.

also other members whom not able to attend the camp

hoping for our next reunion.

truly, i love you guys.

credit to all musicians who lead the praise & worship,

thumbs up!!

you guys are really awesome.

my pleasure to be in this team.

longing for our next gigs together!

kelly, pro keyboardist & i :)

the members of SIM! super idiot ministry XD

left: yiling, johnson, andy & eevon

the campers of Holy Spirit weekends 2011

glad to back in JB.

the first time I truly recognized it as my hometown.

can't wait to go home for the past one week.

once i stepped on the ground at JB.

i could sense the right feeling.

this is the place where i was born.

the place that i belong to.

for the very first time,

i know i'm attached to this land.

not a beautiful or natural wonderland,

but just an ordinary place that always printed in my memory.

deep in my heart.

i knew i love this place.

and i will still come back no matter what or how.

yeah..

I'm here, in JB.

my return..

"" feeling alone.

i wonder where is God,

to carry me through the dilemma & the sorrow. ""

it has been 2 months after my last post..

staying in boarding college most of the time.

Even i grabbed the chance to back JB,

i will surely have piles of tasks.

the summary for past 2 months:

I've baptized in Christ to turn a totally new man.

it has been decades i never receive a mountain of presents & blessings.

it was a wonderful day though.

& I'm still living in Christ with the mighty strength He gave me.

yet, i still haven't join the church in Negeri Sembilan.

i'm indecisive to take the first step.

feeling alone.

i wonder where is God,

to carry me through the dilemma & the sorrow.

I'd broke up with my 2 years boyfriend.

was it hurtful or painful?

maybe.. a little bit?

or i guess..no??

cruel or cold-blooded?

that's right.

i guess i don't even have a right to feel guilty or heartbroken.

can't wait to end the journey,

yet when it actually come to the terminal,

i can't hold back my tears.

2 years can be nothing or everything.

having a little conflicts with my friends.

again..

i thought it will never happen again.

but i'm facing another crush in my friendship...once again..

chels is the only one i can still get along..

ooi is trying to understand my language..

& i'm trying hard to mend the relationship with her too.

the rest...i don't know..

I'm really sick of it!

tell me what to do, Am?

i scare i will lose the bet..

the relationship with my family is pretty well.

i did called them most of the time.

crapping, my life here, my new experiences but

not much of troubles.

come on..i'm not going to make them worry about me.

unless something colossal did happened.

from what i'd been going through.

family is still your true backbone that will never breakdown.

i love you guys, my family.

2 and the half month be in KMNS,

i'd used to the life here.

just a little grumbles and complaints here and there.

like the shortage of water,

unsatisfactory towards certain lecturers,

& the punctual morning calls.

i can still cope with the rest.

that's all from me so far. i will be in JB in a short time.

your presence in me

"" i know is Lord who sent you to me,

to lead me on the right path..

to gain back my trust to people which actually broken to pieces

after the setbacks and betrayal.. ""

your presence,

was unexpected..

your great significance to me,

was still a shock and unbelievable..

all because it just happened within a month..

like the lightning in the rain..

you're the angel,

appeared in my life for just a short period,

but transformed my life completely,

i know is Lord who sent you to me,

to lead me on the right path..

to gain back my trust to people which actually broken to pieces

after the setbacks and betrayal..

you looked through me from my eyes,

you know what's next

you understand my every single action

you said you don't get my language or signal

but in fact

you eventually understand me

better than i understand myself..

you're the first one and the only one i ever met..

that's the reason i attached to you..

and you know my greatest fear & forced me to face it..

you actually got such prominent power & momentum..

making me follow you words and wishes..

but you left..

you told me that we will still cross our path one day in our future..

i'm doubt on it..

you asked me to be strong and tough..

be as who I am..

and be brave to express my true feeling..

we had another bet..

and i wish i win the bet..

so that i will have you for the next 10 years..

friend,

i miss you so much..

and i doubt on the mutual feeling between us..

so what?

even you're not here with me,

your words and spirit are still with me..

all the time..

and you will see a new Yiling 

that you'd turned it over

during our next meet up..

Farewell II ~ Teenz

i don't expect my cell group actually organized a farewell for me..

fine, although it was just a lunch..

but i could feel their blessings..

here's another short post with photos..

from left: liling, eevon, enhui and me!

peppermint tea

my cell group leader, dear eevon <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

cute Liling

 hmm.. not many photos..

these are all i have..

but still appreciate the farewell..

love you guys <3

Farewell I~ TF

thanks for my TF members to spend their time having farewell

on 20th May 2011..

I really can feel the bonding between us..

as a family..as the siblings..

in the presence of God..

so sorry that i'm only free to upload now..

hope you don't mind & enjoy C:

JENGA love game !

we had a nice time there.

love the time being together with my mates..

 i know is abit late to update this post, still thanks you guys.. 

i do enjoy my day <3

it's time to say GoodBye.

gonna leave JB tomorrow..

i shall be happy to leave my home..

to survive my own..

or starting my new adventurous..

but then don't know why i'm kinda uneasy..

so many uncertain things..

troubling me..

the fears & worry is increasing..

hope everything is gonna be alright..

 really..

pray for nice roommates, nice facilities, nice mentors, tutors & lecturers..

& everything..

really really...

JIE WEN 18th birthday!!

my lover 18 ad!!

yeah..

it's my privilege to be the first celebrated your big day!!

but too bad..

it was also the last date before i go to negeri sembilan..

it's okay..

i'm sure we will meet again :D

we caught out a nice horror movie..

we had to admit that we don't know it is a horror movie previously..

hehe..

nice movie though C:

after that was the celebration!!

my dear jie wen was so touched when i served her the cake with a candle on it..

secret recipe chocolate cheese cake !!

& of course..

i sang the birthday song with my beautiful voice XD

we had a wonderful time together..

so the cake was really delicious..muahahaha..

these are just taking randomly...

in the end, i forced her to keep this recipe ( or rubbish? ) by writting some words on it..

cute jiewen really thought that her present was just a cake..

( although it was also counted expensive )

but of course i was reminded to give her more & more surprises..

& she finally received her present before saying goodbye...

haha...nice right??
i'm just the kind that can bring a lot of surprises..XD

"Happy Days" students~

finally finished all the editing task for all the photos..

seriously, is not easy to compiled 100+ photos in just 12 photos..

anyway..just enjoy :D

 

my no1 student, Dannel Piggy! 4 years old :D

 

above are the students i'm always taking care..

that's why they have more photos~~

eunice & tee ann are the most intelligent & hardworking students..

done all their works on time..

& even got extra time to do extra works...

they are really cute while they are sleeping~ zzZZZ

normally they will taking their nap at 2.00pm until 4.00pm..

such a peace & quiet atmostphere when they are sleeping..

kids are really the angels while sleeping blissfully~~~ 

i'm so to bed... -o-

 

my cute cute students~~

that's all for my 1 month trip at Happy Days..

what a nice experience..

agree??