after all

it's something that i wanted so much
but i never ready for it.
how tough is it to show the true me in front of you guys.
i never wanted to hide it.
it's just uneasy to speak out my mind
when you don't even bother to ask
forcing a stiff smile even i'm not happy with it
worrying you might annoy or irritate by the true me
the grumbles the thinking the criticism the whatever are sedimenting deep in my heart
i'm suffocating
God, tell me how to face you with a sincere heart
i do envy them, even reach the stage of jealousy
sorry for sinning,
but i desperately long to be myself in front of you



why am i piss off with you?
who am i to rag on you?
i'm not God who judge people
so shouldn't i be frustrated just because we live in different ways
not in accordance of my expectation
i'm sorry



who say our country is having financial problem?
who say our country does not prepare enough education fund?
it's just you're not the chosen one
any of my friends here surely have a sibling who is studying overseas
it seems so easy
but i'm still here striving so hard hoping to grab that chance
even knowing it's impossible
after all
i shall learn that life is never fair  



he told me i looked exhausted
and he felt upset looking at my pale face 
thanks for being a good listener
i appreciate it, friend  :)

..it just happened yesterday..